Why the Toughest People I Know Also Pray
There is stillness in the air, each of them serious, quiet, and thoughtful…that is to say, constantly thinking. They have what few people ever recognize. Society doesn’t appreciate the questions they battle, the struggles they suffer, or the pressure that sinks into their skin to the point of saturation. IYKYK didn’t originate in social media or within some popular subculture. It was born out of the comradery of elite warriors. If you know a special operator, you know…humility.
The toughest men I ever served alongside were not the ones with the hardest exteriors. After years working with special operations, I stopped being surprised by what these elite warriors could carry in their packs and started paying attention to what they carried in their chest. Behind the calm was always a source — a "why" that outlasted the mission, the injury, the funeral. I have seen what deep commitment can do to the soul: how it protects it, sustains it, and keeps a person alive when the odds say they should already have been finished.
Mental toughness is real, but alone it is brittle. Our culture treats resilience as a psychological asset — grit, discipline, focus, the willingness to suffer discomfort a little longer than the next person — will get there. That model has a strong following. It is the classic framework that describes mental toughness through four attributes: control, commitment, challenge, and confidence (Clough et al., 2002). But these are taught as mental activities, aimed at building your foundation, and creating a path to anywhere that you want to go.
Humility isn’t a thought; it is a behavior. A series of decisions arrived at through a conscience goal of reminding yourself that you are not the center of the universe. Strangely, it overlooked by so many…yet it is one of the main ingredients in accessing elite performance (Trinh, 2019). There is no surprise why people don’t talk about humility, it isn’t attractive, in fact, it sounds scary. It sounds like giving something up before you’ve had it. But Operators know what I mean.
Mental toughness and spirituality are complimentary but spirituality is the foundation of a strong mind.
Protecting a man's fighting spirit is everything, more than resilience, more than grit, more than pure emotional override. Finding humility for most meant maintaining spirituality…praying, reading, staying engaged with God. It was these observations that helped me see the truth of what elite warriors need. Merely surviving the battle is not enough, continuing to fight means being FORGED — Fortitude through Ongoing Resilience, Grounding, Ethics, and Devotion. Being able to stay humble and improve yourself without allowing mistakes, errors, hurt, or mistrust get in your way…it requires constant effort. Anyone can practice psychological skills (mental toughness) but without the complimentary humility of the spirit and the connection to God, you will never achieve your full potential. Some ego driven people will pursue it, and some will come close, but without the full list of ingredients…their recipe for success and happiness won’t survive. How do you continually find God?
Christ said, “…ask, and you will receive…” (Matt 7:7). So, ask yourself the only question that matters here: Are you FORGED?
Tapping into your highest potential isn’t impossible. You can do it with the right focus and dedication. Yes, it takes work, but you’re going to work anyways…so why not work towards a better life. Mental toughness and spirituality are complimentary but spirituality is the foundation of a strong mind.
How They Work Together
Purpose over pain. Mental toughness lets you endure discomfort; spirituality gives you a reason worth enduring it for. Connect the pain to a higher purpose — faith, brotherhood, a sense of belonging to something that does not end when you do — and setback will stop becoming the verdict. Instead, your journey becomes a chapter and pain is just one part…not the entire story. Suffering is sad, but easier when you are carrying your cross.
Ego transcendence. True toughness requires keeping the ego on a short leash, and spiritual practices teaches you, that you are part of something larger than yourself. You are created in God’s image, act like it. When everything rides on you as an individual, every mistake is an indictment. When you understand yourself as one part of a broader story, the pressure moves off your shoulders and onto a frame built to bear it.
The power of surrender. The most misunderstood word in the toughness vocabulary is surrender, because we hear it as defeat. It is the opposite. Knowing what you control and releasing what you do not is the whole discipline. The anxiety of trying to manage every variable is a slow leak; it drains energy you will need later. Lay that burden down and recover your energy. Sometimes strength is vulnerability.
Daily Practices to Build Both
Elite warriors are not made by accident. They are trained, the same way marksmanship is trained — through repetition until the response is automatic.
Start with contemplative prayer and mindfulness. These practices reach the body's own calming systems and, over time, retrain the brain to hold steady under load, sharpening your emotion regulation that pressure erodes (Guendelman et al., 2017). A few silent minutes each day is the key spiritual discipline we all need. It is conditioning for the nervous system for the hard moments when everything is falling apart.
Radical forgiveness. Resentment is not free; it runs constantly in the background and consumes bandwidth you need for the fight in front of you. Letting go of the offense is not a gift to the person who wronged you. It is how you reclaim your own energy for peak performance.
Community. Willpower is a finite tank, and every one of us runs it dry eventually. What holds when personal grit fails, is other people who share your values. Isolation is where the strong quietly fall apart; a community is where we all find strength and comfort. Go to Church…and stay a while, get to know others there…too many people rush to church only to rush out at the end and check the box. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to volunteer, help others, and in turn being helped by others.
These disciplines create a foundation of what makes people mentally strong and capable — something to build upon. Jesus admonished us to build our house upon a rock, to withstand life's storms. Fortitude is not the absence of pressure; it is what pressure leaves behind in a soul that was grounded before the heat came. Are you FORGED? Find out today by taking the survey and put yourself on track to peak performance!
References
Clough, P., Earle, K., & Sewell, D. (2002). Mental toughness: The concept and its measurement. In I. Cockerill (Ed.), Solutions in sport psychology (pp. 32–43). Thomson.
Guendelman, S., Medeiros, S., & Rampes, H. (2017). Mindfulness and emotion regulation: Insights from neurobiological, psychological, and clinical studies. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 220. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00220
Trinh M. P. (2019). Overcoming the Shadow of Expertise: How Humility and Learning Goal Orientation Help Knowledge Leaders Become More Flexible. Frontiers in psychology, 10, 2505.https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02505